Camping
Dad
Granite
skies weep on commuter belt towns
as
middle aged men with grey temple tufts
have
sweaty nightmares the length of commercial breaks
in
which theyÕre herded through underground rooms
where
a cold disregard is all that remains
ItÕs
like Rousseau said: man is born free
but
everywhere he is on trains.
And
it wears you down, counting your decades
on
more than one hand. Generation games:
How
many landmarks can you remember?
The
M25, a sewage plant. The M25,
factories
at Witham. The M25,
M25
- until you start to think
IÕm
not really alive.
But
come Easter weekend his crowsÕ feet crease;
a
glorious Thursday night logging-out
he
begins to taste the rapturous peace
from
before the dreadful daylight began.
Cynics
take heed if you think ÔhobbiesÕ are ÔsadÕ,
Ôcause
whoÕs that? Pulling his house behind him?
Blimey!
ItÕs Camping Dad!
Ta
ta mobile, au revoir
to
touching in his Oyster Card
ThereÕs
The Great Outdoors! Regard!
Here
comes Camping Dad.
Nice
to meet you, how do you do?
Who
likes those lovely gardens at Kew?
Bike
rides are nice. DonÕt argue! ItÕs true!
Phew!
IÕm Camping Dad.
Power
cables, jubilee clips
sandals
with socks, hands on his hips
Well,
well, well – if the sun-hat fits
Quick
– itÕs Camping Dad.
Plenty
to say about the Tetra-pak
damn
clever piece of packaging that
he
deserved his money, that Rausing chap,
Fact.
Camping Dad.
At
night he slowly sips his Bass
burns
the bangers and drowns the mash:
Now
weÕre cooking with camping gas.
Alas!
Camping Dad.
For
once heÕs happy to get his hands dirty
HeÕs
recaptured his youth! He feels aboutÉthirty!
Out
in the wild – well, a campsite in Chertsey.
Curtsey,
Camping Dad.
Near
three-score year but still inquisitive
Look,
a landmark – letÕs go visit it!
howÕs
about that - splendid, isnÕt it?
Live
a bit with Camping Dad.
What
does Camping Dad appreciate?
Middle
class vigilantes
What
does Camping Dad appreciate?
Gently
warmed Chiantis
What
does Camping Dad appreciate?
Organised
games and fun
What
does Camping Dad appreciate?
Camping
MumÕs bum!
Whoops!
But
Camping Dad does not condone drug use:
WhatÕs
the point when you can roll down a hill
and
smell fresh-cut grass? WhoÕd want a ÒjointÓ?
Take
your ÒecstasyÓ and shove it up your É
And while weÕre on the subject - Camping
Dad
does
not appreciate Sulky Teen.
ItÕs
a nice holiday – why must you spoil it?
DonÕt
be silly – of course youÕre not an Emu.
Ah,
but tucked up at night he still looks so sweet
and
dewy-eyed Camping Dad can recall
a
time when he could fit Sulky Teen
in
one hand. When the world still felt so small.
Because
itÕs a shame, you know, how things change.
If
only life and work would fold away
like
a sofa in a motorhome
No
woes – just a pocket of fifty pees.
Camping
Dad feels uneasy about fun pubs,
credit
cards, shopping malls and Grazia.
He
says all the glitz of Formula One
Distracts
from the excellent engineering.
John
Gray PhD told me that men
like
to retreat into their caves.
And
with a world of endless macadam out there
and
the tick-tock-tick of the perpetual tow,
I
ask you fellas, what would you do
If
you had a cave on wheels
with
itÕs own
chemical
loo?